I never thought a television show would actually make me a bit teary eyed but House seemed finally do just that in the weirdest ways. It's weird how without even trying you end up caring for a characters on a television show but somehow this did without me even thinking about it. So as many people know actor Kal Penn announced that he has been offered the position of associate director of the White House public liason. Now whether that will make much of a difference down the road I highly doubt but the position meant that Penn had to give up acting for a bit so they killed off his character of Lawrence Kutner on "House." I must say it shocked the hell out of me because I really liked his character but outside of it being a television show it was an interesting story about dealing with grief when a tragedy happens, something I have had to deal with for the past month and a half.
I think it's time for me to come clear about how I am in the aftermath of losing my father. Well for one thing I will never be the same, for good or for worse but I have learned to trudge on in life but I have now noticed the discrepancies that have come without his presence. I am very confused in life all options I look forward to but loath because I'm worried about screwing up and the future. This was normally where my dad was good at helping me out but now it just feels all weird. On top of that not being able to do things the same anymore sucks. I have no one to talk to about music and movies with them being able to convey back similar ideas and interest and well it looks like I won't be going to many concerts anymore. Probably a financial miracle in a way, so thanks.
I had a vision about him today while just sitting in class. It was pretty positive thought about years down the line when we might meet again. I walk into this crowded hallway that leads into a pond like area with a fountain, all stone walls, marble, like walking into the swan and dolphin at disney world. I see all my friends and family members, then my grandparents together again after years, my mom and carmen just smiling and then at the end of the hall way I see my dad and I just run up to him and hug him just hug him for minutes all end with both of us sobbing with happiness. He looks a little older and greyer but its still as I saw him last. I thought I was gonna lose it in class thinking about but it was very theraputic response. I actually for the first time since the service listened to the mix I had made for that day and I was just happy again. I'm still very stressed out with worrying about the rest of the semester and what will come next year but I'm okay for once.
